December 15, 2009

Making The Most Out of Your GROUP: Answers to Two Very Common Questions

Two commonly asked questions we receive from members of GROUPS are:
1. What should we do if one GROUP member is not listening well and dominating the conversation at our meetings?
2. What should we do if someone in our GROUP is being negative during the sharing of Gratitudes and Successes, or just overly negative in general?

A GROUP member who shares her story when it is actually someone else’s turn to speak can be frustrating. This may ultimately derail the unique process which makes The GROUP so powerful – the amazing ability for discoveries to be made as a result of being truly listened to and supported by your fellow GROUP members.

Similarly, when someone complains often, or tends to focus on the negative, some of the power of The GROUP can be lost.

The same approach can be taken with both of these problems.

First, make sure that everyone has read (at least once) Chapter 3, Creating The Ideal GROUP Atmosphere and Chapter 4, Active Listening: The Key to Understanding Others. Discuss why it is important to “practice” active listening and make a GROUP commitment to support each other with this in the coming meetings. We say “practice” active listening because it is just that – a practice. No one is perfect but with “practice” we can all get better and it becomes easier.

If a person continues to interrupt or interject out of turn, or continues to be negative, the best way to deal with this is to take a kindhearted approach. Perhaps this person isn’t even aware that he or she is dominating the conversation or focusing on the negative rather than the positive.

A non-confrontational solution is to have a meeting separate from your GROUP meetings to revisit and discuss Chapters 3, 4, and 6. The purpose of this meeting is to open up discussion between every GROUP member. Talk about whether or not everyone feels like they are doing things to help the GROUP be as effective as it can be. This can be an open and honest discussion and everyone should be included. This “check-in” meeting should focus on where things can be improved rather than singling out bad behavior and being confrontational.

In our book we write about “taking things the right way.” This is the perfect opportunity to put this concept into practice. All members should commit to “taking things the right way.” When someone kindly offers suggestions, whether about listening or being less negative, everyone should commit to being open to hearing this feedback. Taking things the right way means not becoming defensive. It means focusing on how everyone can make their GROUP better, stronger and more cohesive. When you have these qualities within your GROUP, anything is possible.